I feel like a little girl that needs to be tamed.

I watched this video for the first time yesterday. My initial response was ‘watch it again.’ We are so quick to reject what we do not understand. I had to explore further.

This video is amazing. Well thought out. It vividly captures the effects of addiction. Addiction to anything in my opinion. People have commented that the young girl simply seems possessed. They fail to see that is part of the message the artist is trying to convey. We can all be prisoners to our bad habits. Habits that consume all of you. Possessed by my thoughts, I am a prisoner to my mind. I am aware I need to get out of my own head but I spend my days thinking and not doing. ‘When will I learn?’

‘Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame’

These lyrics hit home. I wake up in the same reality. Resentful of the choices I have made. Feelings of self-loathing overwhelm me. I know I have to get out of bed and my misery.

I love how the dancing never stops. Life does not stop. I experience moments of a perfectly choreographed dance and within seconds complete chaos. Much like my thoughts, I believe I can conquer any obstacle and then without notice, self-doubt ensues and all I can see is my limitations. The apartment depicts my mind – troubled, cluttered, and neglected. The music itself is upbeat yet the lyrics are so dark. Symbolizing the facade we put on. I want to appear happy but inside I’m broken.

The ending is one of my favorite scenes. It is an invitation. Cross this threshold…if you dare. Such a great representation of the immature girl that still lives in me.This video is haunting and painfully honest.

‘Cause I’m just holding on for tonight.’