My experience with pain is minimal. The only pain I’ve inflicted on myself willingly is getting tattoos. I never associated this with anything, but the more I learn about BDSM the more connections I’m making. A ‘noob’ thing, so I’ve read.

My back piece started in January 2013. It took 3 sessions to finish the outline alone. It has been a long process, but I’ve come so far! Even though there is still a decent amount of work to be done, I hope to have it finished by this year. I am learning to be patient as my artist works so sloOoOow.  He has done a great job, I can’t complain. I’ve given him the artistic freedom to do as he wishes. My only request was that it’d be an overall dark tattoo. Traditionally, the Japanese phoenix has lots of bright colors, which he has replaced with darker tones. I am very pleased where this is going and can’t wait to see the end result.

I remember the first session I had, it was so intense. I wasn’t entirely prepared for what I was getting myself into. I only lasted about 3 hours. This may seem like a long time, but people sit for 7+ hours. It was the worst pain I’d ever experienced. I didn’t think I could do it. I was mad for even starting it. Had I ruined my back? I kept moving and twitching, yet I couldn’t get away from the pain. It was so present. With every sudden movement I could feel the frustration growing from my artist. I felt disappointed. I made a commitment and now I couldn’t hold still? I cried towards the end, all I wanted was for him to stop and take it away.

I always think it won’t be that bad, until the artist starts and I want to run away. It’s interesting though, there is nothing holding me to the chair, yet I don’t jump up and leave…why? I can barely handle nipple clamps right now. WTF. However, I can now sit still as he does his work. It took a few sessions and mentally I deal with it better.

I was told by a friend that the artist was happy with how I was doing. That he was able to help me get through it. It made me feel good that he was pleased with me. I want to please him. Now I crave to get tattooed. I miss it, weirdly. Is it the pain? Is it the want to sit there like a good girl and take it? Is it that I like knowing my artist is satisfied? I may never be able to directly answer these questions.

All the pain has left me with nothing more than a beautiful masterpiece.
Artist: Craig Beasley